Monday, April 30, 2007

Primrose Valley - Scarborough

Sun 29th:

What are we doin playin on a Sunday?

Everyone just seemed wiped out tonight, probly coz we'd all been on Hessle Foreshore all day enjoyin the sun and gettin tanked!

Our performance was special tonight, because we had played most of the set before turning on the front speakers.

Too much complaining goin on as well...yeah, you know who you are!

Awww...

Jo: 'I'm soooo tired!'

Chaps: 'I've got to get up at half four!'

I'm sure I never moaned about having to get up early when I was making sexy time all night! These kids today, don't know when they've got it good!

Lee from Prem came to the stage to tell us we sounded w@nk, everyone in the room heard him.

Latas.

Old McEwan Centre - Sunderland

Sat 28th:

Arrived three hours early...wtf is that all about?

Anyways,

Tonite Matthew, we find ourselves sandwiched between a kick-ass 70's groove band [Link here: Miami Beach ] that featured teen pop guitar hero James from Busted in his new line-up which, coincidentally is owned by the guitarist...some say he's a guy who is always cold and has a spare pair of rectractable back up ears??? All we know is they call him the Mandy!

Jim from Busted with his new band: Mandy? Jim, JJ and Uncle Fester

No tuned percussion here I don't mind tellin ya, wot with all that goin on and foxy Welsh singstress/vocalist J.J heading up the front, you know it's time to get on up and get down bitch funky sexy soul machine brutha! Now...before you break yer fukin back!

I was dismayed to find the druggie drummer trying to lead young (and quite frankly, green) Virgin Jim astray backstage, openly asking me if I wanted some of his wares - he had some antibiotics and the best Paracetamol granny can get her hands on this side of Garstang, all washed down with pure non-diet coca cola!

These pop stars these days, hey, it doesn't surprise me!

I made my excuses and left.

Many thanks to the compere (who's name we couldn't remember as he reminded us too much of our agent Norman Thewlis), for helping us out in the Village People by dressing up as the sailor...although his good lady friend informed us he would have preferred the leather gear and big moustache!

A compere dressed as a sailor...yesterday

Country Park - Hessle Foreshore, Hull

Fri 27th:

What a stonking night!

As always, everyone jittery backstage but all that nervous energy made for a good atmosphere.

Jimmmaaayyy standing in this weekend on his virgin Hull performance, most of his mates didn't know he could sing!!!

Apologies to Kelly Woodall: Rod Stewart didn't mean to embarass you, he said he's sorry!

Big thanks to all who came, you all made it the night it was and for those who hadn't seen it before and were a bit shocked...don't worry, it's us that are going to hell, you were just watching!

Til' the next time...

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Chicago Rock Cafe - Newbury

Wed 25th

HOME OF NEWBERRY FRUITS...THE MOST NAFF PRESENT YOU COULD EVER GIVE TO ANYONE...EXCEPT FOR BLUE STRATOS AFTER SHAVE PERHAPS, BUT AT LEAST YOU CAN DRINK THAT!

Chelsea v Liverpool

Not much room to get changed and up face to face with crowd but was an OK gig.

Star attraction had to be Russell Brand of Big Brothers Big Mouth notoriety, not joining in with Sweet Caroline and refusing to have his picture taken.

You take my fakin picture an I'll cat your fakin jacobs off...Russell Brand...yesterday!

Argument backstage about Chappie not being able to set up the sound was quite funny...

Do you wanna fukin do it??? An irate Chapster (38) yesterday.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Frontier - Batley

Sat 21st:

Always nice to play Batley Variety Club, this place holds some very fond memories for all of us!

It was a 1st for Housequake to be granted access to the posh dressing rooms backstage, normally the secret door is locked but tonite it displayed its plethora of hidden rooms:

Proper full size mirrors with all the fancy lights around
Italian tiled shower and seperate toilet
Restroom with T.V. and drinks facilities
Jewel encrusted telephone helmet with automtic massage glove, you name it, it's in there.

Oh and a Piano that Tom Jones shagged on...

That's why I'm greeasy...Mick Hucknall & Tom Jones...yesterday!

Of course I've seen it before when I played with Mens Club, we did a support show for LaToya Jackson and I have a pic of me and her in a compromising pose in that very dressing room...mind you, so has half of Batley...ALLEGEDLEY!

Blue Dolphin Holiday Park - Filey: TRASHED!!!

Fri 20th:

I was considering opening up a new section of the site called TRASHED where you/we can post pics of the various HQ members in states of drunken-pissed-up-ness, however it appears that only myself would appear in it!

That's me...trashed!

Only had four - that's 4 - drinks but for some reason I paled and was sick all the way home.

Aren't these mobile phones handy?

Chicago Rock Cafe - Tamworth

Thu 19th:

Full of pissed up blokes and lookey likeys!

My favourites being:

Seal - stood right in front of us and didn't crack his face at all coz his lady friend laffed at our Temptations piss take!

Pete Waterman - who had brought along a silly little mate who didn't like me saying that he looked like Pete Waterman!

Danny DeVito - Stood next to Pete Waterman and didn't move/blink/breathe at all!

Sean Bean - Flashed by the front of the stage on his way to Bravo Two Zero.

Jaws - From the original movie, still had Quint's legs in his mouth!

Grrr...ya bastad!

Chicago Rock Cafe - Stevenage

Wed 18th:

Our barmy dancer was in full effect again, I have a couple of vids to put on our Youtube channel.

Grrrr....ya bastad!Rich, yesterday!

Devoncliffe Holiday Village - Devon

Tue 17th:

Was supposed to be staying over and going straight to Stevenage but Dave decided to get us all home...at about 4:30am!

Monday, April 16, 2007

Thorpe Park - Cleethorpes

Fri 13th April 2007

Rain night club moved because it hasn't finished being built yet!

So in it's place, Haven at Cleethorpes!

We were here only a couple of weeks ago demonstrating our new shirts, here's a pic for anyone who's forgotten what they look like.

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Oh shoit! Seems like they don't turn out well!

So here's a pic of Paul & Jo all happy & that

Aww look at 'em! All cuddly & luvvy duvvy n that: We're only jealous!

I know it's not representative of our spotty shirts, but Chappie recvd this pic on this night so it's kind of valid!

CarrQuake: Mustang sallys - Wakefield

Thu 12th April 2007

Arrived at Rooftop Gardens...I mean Mustang sallys to find the posters outside revealed we had acquired a new member...

Housequakes newestest member:The DJ phenomenon that is Carl Carr!

It was even funnier to find Carl had about 1000 business cards made up and even had his own props box!

I don't know if you've noticed but I'm disabled luv...

Also worth a mention was the Charlie Drake lookey-likey-lesbian who got covered in Rod Stewarts love spray.

She stood at the front of the stage for what seemed an eternity, whilst a full can of avalanche was unleashed on her boat race, before finally realising she was covered like a cream pie, at which point she jumped onto the stage and came after Rod Stewart (who hid behind Soul Glow backstage) and was escorted off by a doorman.

Was well funny!

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Bank Holiday Monday: Chicago Rock - Barnsley

Mon 9th April 2007

BANK HOLIDAY MONDAY...ANOTHER DAY OFF WORK...DESPITE JOOLZ PROMISING ON THE 3RD DAY TO RISE FROM THE DEAD...HE FAILS TO DO SO!

whO said Rosh's mam had James Browns hair on???

How's ayall wannagerrupaanna and do mah thang?

Don't be fukin 'Oooooohhhhh-ing' me!

I'm not saying it's a bad hairdo, all I said was 'he'll want it back in the morning!!!'

Have you been injured at a Housequake gig or in your neighbours wifes bed?
Unsure if you have a claim for a free drink or false teeth?
Tired of the same old same old same old?
Call the act that cares...you know it makes sense!

Housequake 1st aider Bryn to the rescue: Another happy customer...we should have him stuffed!

Barnsley Trades and Labour

Sat 7th April 2007

EASTER SATURDAY...STONKING...JOOLZ GOING TO BED...HE SAYS!

Without a doubt, the best gig of the week so far, despite it now being Soul Glow's turn to play a Shaunie/Chappie and pull out of the gig...wtf is going on?

What is it coming down to??? Answers on a postcard to...

After telling Shaun never to come again, Ralph stayed true to his word and asked Shaun along tonight.

Shaun didn't know if he 'could make it mate' as he 'would be busy' at his new house 'all day'.

When Shaun called to find out what time we were leaving, he was pished as a fart due to 'sitting in the sun drinking copious amounts of alcohol all day...at Mossie's BBQ instead'.

He made it to Barnsley anyway.

It was noticed tonight that our new Roadie Sprout has exactly the same nose as our old roadie, Barry Gibb.

Beer Mat Bazza...

...and Sprout! Wearing the exact same shnozzle!

Lava and Ignite - Burnley

Fri 6th April 2007

GOOD FRIDAY...JOOLZ FEELIN THE STRAIN...FEELS DEAD HE SAYS!

Funny set up and a late do, not on whilst midnight.

Gig OK but nowt much to write about.

Jimmy with us all weekend as Dave ELO'ing it.

Who needs a Dave/Chappie when you got a Jimmmaaayyy as good as this?: Jimmy the finger...the other night!

Jimmmaaayyy also stood in for Chappie last night as the Chapster had flown in his fave textual sex partner all the way from Wigan and had to take the night off???

Apparently he'd booked a stretch limo to take her to see the Humber bridge and couldn't get out of it as he'd used some money his Mam had been saving for his sisters eye operation...he really knows how to show someone a good time!

Chappie, unavailable for comment, text, call or anything...yesterday!

Shaun gone: Chicago Rock - Mansfield

Wed 4th April 2007

EASTER WEEKEND TOMORROW...NO DAY JOB...WAHEY!!!

Last time we played here Shaun fukt off in a taxi, this time he's fukt off for good!

His letting us down had gone on far too seriously long enuff by half OK and Ralph decided it would be best to ask him what was going on and if he knew any other roadies.

Ralph added that we were all still mates and he was quite welcome to come away with us as long as it wasn't on a Monday...Tuesday...wednesday, or Thursday, Friday and not on a night that begins with an S!

Never mind, Shaunies replacement made his 1st appearance...Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome, Dave...

Shaunie's replacement - Another Dave but nowhere near as ginger as the last roadie so that's a good thing innit?

Speaking of roadies, let's not forget the long haired, saggy eyed Bob Carolgees lookey-likey who is beginning to make a habit of leaving stuff behind.

As you can see here, he's left his fekin clothes behind...

Oh Joolz...you fekin forgetful fekker!

Had a call from Joolz asking me to bring him some moisturiser cream for his eye bags...all I had was some of Freddies baby moisturiser which he used and then complained it stung like fook...big girl!

Remember to bring your own next time...oh and the props!

Monday, April 02, 2007

News just in...

In a bid to redeem himself, Tony the angry photographer has sent some of his pics in the the Housequake press office.

He wishes to apologise for his headlock behaviour and wants to re-assure any small children that may be watching at home 'No real quakers were injured!'

It is alleged, he was going to use these pictures for bribing purposes, but when he realised that HQ are all colossal perverts, he decided against it:

'I've decided against it!' he said.

Tony: 'This my favourite one...'

'...no, hang on, it's this one!'


'No, no, no. It's definitely this one! This one doesn't have that weird Bob Carolgees bloke on it!'

The trial continues...

Some Haven Holiday Park...

Sat 29th March 2007

...somewhere in Skegness...I think!

Can't remember exactly because for the past three weeks I have been carrying a bottle of Champagne to gigs, it was meant for Shaun and Caroline for their new house.

Thing is, I got fed up of Shaun telling me he's coming and then not showing up that this night was the last straw...so we drank it!!!

A bottle of Piper Heidsieck...yesterday!

Sorry Shaun.

What I do remember is that last time we were here, I was put in a headlock by a photographer called Tony.

Grrr, ya b@stad!

Ralph (27) mistakenly thought his name was Tom.

Easy mistake, begins with a 'T' and Ralph's wife is called 'Toni' so you can see where the confusion came from.

When I asked Tony (103, Libra) if he would change his name because Ralph (29, to the left) couldn't spell it in his furn, Tony (98, whistlin on a tuesday jester) went berserk, grabbing the nearest member, Paul (39, frail, white, can I have a night off) with the following result...

Grrr, ya (tall skinny and let's not forget...ginger) b@stad!

Chappie: 'I want my mum!'

Tony: 'Yes! A maternally outraged Margaret could be a useful ally for you right now!'

Soul glow says that this 'blog isn't anything if there are no pics of me!' the lads say 'bollox!'

T'was a good night...from what I can remember.